My Story Up Until Now Part II

cont...

I always struggled with self esteem issues, for the most part provoked by my fluctuating levels of obesity (I have been overweight since I was 8 years old). I wasn't always FAT but I was always 'chunkier' than I should have been for my height. I was also the biggest in my immediate family which was utterly embarrassing most of the time.

I tried everything I knew of to lose weight. I did Weight Watchers, LA Weight Loss, diet bars, shakes, pills, personal trainers, starving myself, Nutrisystem and Dr. supervised diets. NONE of them worked long term. I would lose 5 pounds here, 10 pounds there but then I would gain it all back plus more. I hated going to the doctor because it seemed that every time I went she would ask me what I was going to do about my weight. I could have been in there to talk about headaches and at the end she would print me an appointment summary with the #1 diagnosis always including "Patient is severely obese".

When I started my career in sales, a close member of my family (not my parents or sister) said "Your clients will respect you more, and buy more if you lost weight." I was utterly flabbergasted that someone would say that to me...especially someone that loved me. I guess the truth hurts sometimes...

I spent these last two years not really caring if I was getting fatter. It was like a downward spiral that just kept getting worse and worse. I gained more weight, my self esteem went down so I would eat more and on went the vicious cycle.

In August, 2008 my roommate came home and told me about LapBand surgery. For the next couple months I researched my heart out and decided this was my answer. For me, it wasn't as much about the foods I was eating, it was more about the amount I was taking in. I was eating enough for two people most of the time and portion control didn't really exist in my vocab.

I went down the insurance route for approval but kept running into roadblocks. At the time I was going to submit my request I was 'fat enough' to get approved, but I couldn't prove that I had been 'fat enough' for the two years prior that they wanted to see. I think it is absolutely disgusting that insurance companies won't pay for a life-saving surgery because you haven't suffered enough to qualify. I had high blood pressure (172/120), high blood sugars and GERD. Because I had Kaiser Insurance for most of my life I never was technically 'diagnosed' with these co-morbidity's. The new insurance I had, Aetna PPO (California), wouldn't accept those as co-morbidity's since I had never had treatment in the form of pills. Kaiser's treatment was "LOSE MORE WEIGHT". It was a lose lose.

I was getting increasingly frustrated everyday about whether or not I was going to be approved. I was losing sleep, eating more and becoming more and more depressed until finally I just decided I was going to pay for it myself. Thank God I have wonderful parents who were so supportive. They offered to pitch in a third of the cost. They completely accept me as I am and just want to see me healthy.

My Story Up Until Now

Ok, so here goes...

I'm 27 years old and I currently live in Pasadena, CA. I have not always been a So Cal girl but for the past 2.5 years I have been a proud Pasadenian...(is that a word?). I grew up in Sacramento, CA, with my mom, dad and sister. My sister and I are 4 months apart...figure that one out...and she is my best friend!

When I graduated high school I was so excited to leave the house and be a grown up, so I applied to a school in LA. I moved to So Cal (the first time) in September 2000 and didn't leave until I graduated in January 2005. I got 2 degrees (it was like 2 for the price/time of one), one in International Business and the other in Marketing Management. During college I was fortunate enough to be able to study abroad in London and participate in a national sorority on campus.

Once I graduated, I moved back to Sacramento and started my career in the financial services industry. I felt so accomplished! In early 2007 I got a promotion and it required me to move back to LA. Since I still had college friends there, the decision was easy.

New to This

I have finally made it to the world of online journaling. I can't believe it! I never enjoyed the prospect of journaling nor did I think I was even good at it. I always thought of it more as a chore rather than a method of healing. Over the past few months I have come to realize that it's more about self healing and purging myself of these things that truly calm me and help me live my best life.

My goal for this blog is to share my experiences, good or bad, so that it will be a constant reminder of where I came from and where I am trying to go. I am not promising anything...